Filed under: REBECCA, SARAH | Tags: bodies, breasts, grape and carrot references, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, shivers in the night, SVU, voice modulation
An artfully creepy take on the objectification of breasts featuring BREASTS! Prepare to tremble.
Really cool. Totally cool. Check it out. There are pictures and screeds and references to Sarah. Hey, look. Here’s a representative-in-desired-ethos picture.
Bastardized–by Rebecca–photo of Rebecca by Katherine Spencer Carey.
Filed under: REBECCA | Tags: bodies, body electric, humility, love, men/women/people, sensuality, sexuality, stereotypes
According to Barb-radar:
- “A Sense of Humor Keeps Everything in Perspective” – A New Look at Sex
- “Teaching men to be alive to all that it means to be a man” – Body Electric
- “You will never actually be part of the boys’ club, because you are a woman” – This Recording
- “Too often, the clit is regulated to foreplay with the expectation that orgasm will arrive from intercourse – which is a little like expecting a man to climax from having his balls played with.” – Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Filed under: REBECCA | Tags: it's time for some direct quotes!, safety, sexual equality, women who love sex
Hello there! My name is Rebecca, and I have decided to transcribe and paste some snippets from Women Who Love Sex onto the Barbarism blog. But why do I do it? Well, my reasons are manifold and sometimes mysterious to myself. To put it in a flurry of words: Actually briefly feeling the distance between my intellectual and visceral understanding of sexual inequality made me think about how misled and wronged I felt about being told what a woman is and never feeling like I measured up/was the right kind of gender–too tomboyish, too girly, etc (I like dresses and bows. I like behaving in a “masculine” manner. I don’t like being shy or that I’ve WANTED to cultivate shyness and modesty to be seen as pure and good). This unconscious guilt that I almost never consciously realized WAS guilt for being TOO loud/sexual/quiet/shy/excitable, etc. has long made me ashamed about being a female human sexual being and I do not like that! So, I found this book encouraging and wanted to share some bits. Here goes…
A PLEASURE-NEGATIVE society UNDERVALUES WOMEN (m. linear, hierarchical, detached, static, goal-oriented; f. lyrical, spherical, connective, mobile, self-renewing)
We associate sex-loving women not with spiritual growth and societal change but with old, pejorative stereotypes like bad girls, nymphomaniacs, ballbusters, cunts.
All women are to some extent abused and harassed, patronized and infantilized—by the system, if not by individual partners
I began to notice that there is a kind of old-boy, old-girl agreement among sex researchers that encourages a double standard based on male norms. Most sex research and much therapy oppresses women (quantitative inquiry, mostly about dysfunction, gender-loaded norms, heterosexual norms, white, middle class, able-bodied youthful norms, goal-oriented standards of satisfaction, especially the orgasm standard.)
“Dysfunctions.” A generation after the sexual revolution, I am still listening to them sob that they must be abnormal freaks because they don’t enjoy sex the “real” way, as coitus. I am still hearing them accused of frigidity because they don’t respond with lubrication and orgasm to partners who don’t know how to make love to them.
I have begun to think that the medium itself may be sufficient… to tell and listen without speculating… simply enjoy the stories of women… to bear witness… and not be discounted as immature, immoral or kinky….. to celebrate the erotic, to feel motivated by satisfaction rather than by guilt and suffering. Orchestrate the positive instead of mustering all their energy to block sexual pain—danger, abuse, manipulation, inequality. It means shifting from control (the ability to ay no) to power (the ability to say yes).
Rage and humiliation… lack of power. “All of my life, men have been saying ‘This is the right way. Hurry up. You’re on the wrong track.’ And I’ve just this minute understood that that was because they operate like trains, going forward and back on a set schedule and I’ve been trying to please them by staying on this single track even when it doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m not like that. I think I’m more like a helicopter, which can go forward and back and sideways up and down. My vision operates through 360 degrees. I want more than he does… I want mobility and fun….”
Self-rage is often safer for women than going chin-to-chin with the people who are tormenting them. Besides, it fits in with the worldview that women deserve to be blamed for whatever goes wrong in paradise.
The body has revealing stories to tell but it is not always possible to access these stories just by talking about them. The discipline of bioenergetics has demonstrated that memories are held in the skeleton, the muscles, even the cells. These body memories… go back to pre-verbal times—before we have learned to order the events in or lives sequentially and talk about them. In addition, the body is a storehouse for memories that have been, for one reason or another, impossible to talk about—traumatic sexual events.. The mind may forget but the body never does. (As her muscles begin to loosen, her emotions begin to flow… sobs like these… probably signal flashback memories… a betrayal of trust, confusing and humiliating. A kind of emotional jetlag… she is confusing past and present, pain and arousal. “Trauma is such a powerful teacher. It teaches us to disconnect from what we know so that we can live through the night.” (.. when women chronically cut themselves off from positive sexual feelings, they may turn to pain as a way to stimulate sensation enough to remind them they are alive.)
She was victimized as a child and as an adult she was encouraged to become a willing volunteer, contributing to her own lack of sexual luster.. that she heals and changes doesn’t imply permission for the abuses that a bound at every level of society. Then we have to understand which knobs we have turned off for the sake of survival or for propriety, which may be another level of survival, or because we simply don’t know any other way. Then we have to learn to surrender. Not surrender to an ogling father or the wishes of a rigid partner. Not the kind of surrender that means giving up. The kind of surrender that means giving in. Giving in to our memories, our outrages, our hungers for pleasure. Giving in tot our desires, and asking for what we want from a partner who is willing to hear
Whole-body orgasm: “All of me was involved. My breasts felt alive, streaming sensations in my legs, up my spine to he back of my head. Everything let go. I moaned, yelled… finally cracked up laughing. Everything seemed so funny and so beautiful”…. The recycling of physical sexual energy into emotional altruism….. belonging an connectedness… when you let go of expectation… then you feel a surge of belonging—belonging to yourself. It’s when you let go of control that you are filled with power
Oh yes! A ramrod hard penis is definitely what gives women the most excitement and satisfaction in bed. Everybody says so! Besides, I read it in five different books from the self-help section of my bookstore!…. These instructions are not so much about pleasuring women as they are about spreading the penis-vagina rumor—the homing-site theory that serves to focus on male pleasure and keep women dependent on men. (A penis may be able to throb, plunge, pulsate, saw, hammer, grind, ejaculate, sometimes even caress, but it cannot lick, suck, nibble, spank, give a full-body massage, flick like feathers, or vibrate for an hour. And there are many places on the body from which sexual satisfaction can be triggered.)
“The last thing an abused woman needs, we agree, are sexual images that abuse her more. We recite a litany of these images, from centerfold pullouts to the now historical cover of Hustler magazine that depicts a spike-heeled, net-stockinged woman being forced through a meat grinder to emerge as pieces of hamburger. It doesn’t take a great deal of imagination to understand that women might be sexually turned on by images that enhance their lives and sexually turned off by images that put them down and grind them up. Yet its not always this simple. Is sex is a social construction, sexual imagery is a social construction too. Women are bombarded in this culture with images that say “sexy” means being weak, compliant other-directed, even bound, trapped, scared and hurt. For some women, meat-grinder images are a turn-on to sexual arousal.
Some women drop all sense of protective boundary and fall for impossible promises and any crumbs of warmth and attention that come their way… they get labeled with names that sound like slaps on the face: Slut. Tramp. Some women close down their sexual responses altogether.
Once I stopped wrestling with myself, I understood that I had needs, too…. Altruism, the generosity that nourishes both giver and receiver…. is different from sexual caretaking. Balanced altruism comes from a FULLNESS of self. Altruism is self-fullness, not “selflessness.”
“In most men’s minds we get pegged as Nurse Nellie, or Florence Nightingale wandering around with a lamp. Or as a Woody Allen fantasy of helium-inflated breasts bouncing across a meadow. But then we get hated for being such capable do-gooders and taking away their precious independence. What are we supposed to do? When are we supposed to get something in return?”
Not power in the sense of control over others but in the sense of affirmed lust and connectedness.
If a woman seeks recovery from various substance abuses and codependencies she developed as survival mechanisms in a confusing and hostile world, she may be roundly blamed for bringing on her own “disease.” If she admits to hungering for warmth and excitement of a sexual relationship, she’s more than likely to be tagged as a sex addict. I have even had a client accused of sexual abuse for enjoying the sensations of breastfeeding her baby. The backlash message is; Women love too much, eat too much, want too much. It’s no coincidence that the women held up as standards of Western beauty are ones who have been rendered essentially powerless (quite literally in some instances—the Venus de Milo and the Winged Victory of Samothrace have no arms.) And all through history, to survive hostility, confusion and despair, mortal women, including sex goddesses like Marilyn Monroe have played out this image by finding ways to dis-arm themselves.
Sexy, but not too SEXUAL (it’s OK to be sexy but don’t claim ownership of your sexual energy. Women energized can disrupt the way things are. Women aroused are dangerous.)
Ultimately, of course, men benefit too… we can choose to relate to our partners from a place of self-worth.. turn fear into rage… turn energy of rage outward.. courage. Valuing women who love sex narrows the gender gap… as the information shifts, I see us safe. Safe to enjoy ourselves in a culture that respects and nurtures women. (as long as we keep on talking to each other, the imbalance will shift)
Fritz Perls: “Contact is the appreciation of differences”
Filed under: REBECCA, SARAH | Tags: creepiness, happiness, jeremiah, nudity, sexuality, video alert
A shirtless fellow, creepy childhood memories, that song from Ferris Bueller… and cookies. What more could you ask for in a Barbarism production? Much more. But this is all we’ve got. Take it: OH YEAH.
Filed under: REBECCA | Tags: james w prescott, judeo-christian tradition!, reality, sensuality, women
From the eponymous article:
“Realistic dolls. Swedish paper doll exemplifies the frankness about the human body that is needed to inculcate wholesome attitudes toward sex and violence. In this paper doll, no attempt is made to idealize or de-sexualize the human body; the body is simply accepted as it is.”